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North Korea becomes Islamic State:
Kim Jong-un makes Islam official state religion


North Korea announced today that it is now an Islamic state. Its official name will be changed from the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to the Islamic People’s Republic of Korea.

According to its official news agency KCNA (North Korean Central News Agency), North Korean leader Kim Jong-un made Islam the official state religion after receiving a revelation from Allah.

In a public announcement, the young leader claimed that the Angel Gabriel appeared to him last night and delivered the words of Allah. Gabriel praised Kim for declaring nuclear war against South Korea and especially the United States, since American imperialism is the enemy of all Islamic nations. The angel also added that North Korea will emerge victorious if Kim Jong-un reveals that it had been an Islamic state since the beginning and officially makes Islam the state religion.

Regarding this, Kim Jong-un explained that Communism was in fact a cover-up to better survive the Cold War. The proof is that North Korea still maintained the central values of Islam, such as modest clothing, persecuting Christians, and forbidding women from riding bicycles. Then he made the startling revelation that every previous leaders of North Korea (Kim Jong-un’s grandfather Kim Il-sung, and father Kim Jong-il) were actually Muslim prophets, and so is Kim Jong-un himself.

He concluded the speech with “Muslim brothers of the world, Allah has sent me to lead you. Let us unite in the jihad against America!”

The announcement was met with mixed responses.

Analysts say the announcement is (as usual) aimed at drawing Washington’s attention and potential talks (=food), as well as boosting morale for the North Korean people. What is unique is the degree of extreme desperation for U.S. attention in attempting to exploit Islamophobia. They also added: “they probably thought the prophet part was necessary in maintaining the authority and divinity of their leaders.”

Meanwhile, Islamic leaders were highly offended by Kim Jong-un’s announcement. An imam said, “Islam is a religion of peace, and no God doesn’t agree with nuclear war or antagonizing the United States.” He also added that “Kim Jong-un has no basic understanding of Islam. Mohammad is the LAST PROPHET you twat.” before going on to demonstrate at the nearest North Korean embassy.

Al-Qaeda called the announcement “blasphemous,” Kim Jong-un a “heretic,” and declared jihad against North Korea.


ps. Happy April Fool’s, everyone!:)


*Translated from this article.

Mr. Park, Jung-geun (25), who was indicted for retweeting the North Korean government’s Twitter account Uriminzokkiri, was found guilty.

On a single judge trial, Judge Shin, Jin-woo of the Suwon District Court Criminal Division no.3 sentenced Mr. Park to 10 months imprisonment as a 2 years suspended sentence.

On the written decision, Judge Shin said that “It can be acknowledged that considering the retweet and the intentions and circumstances of the defendant’s own posts,  his actions constitute as agreement and participation with an anti-government organization’s activities.” and that “While Twitter has personal characteristics, it cannot prevent access from the masses and is highly influential, and therefore cannot be limited as personal communications.”

He also explained the reasoning behind the sentence: “A heavier sentence should have been necessary, since the defendant was aware that his actions were ultimately beneficial for North Korean propaganda and public relations, and that he continued to commit the criminal activity even during the investigation; however,it was taken into consideration that this is a first offense and he promised not to commit the same crime again.”

Mr. Park was indicted of retweeting and spreading 96 posts from the North Korean propaganda body Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea’s website, and writing 133 expressions including videos that are beneficial to the enemy, from December 2010 to December 2011.

However, Mr. Park had consistently alleged that he is a member of the South Korean Socialist Party which has an anti-Workers’ Party of Korea (the ruling party of North Korea) agenda, and that he was merely retweeting to tease and satirize the North Korean government.

Aside from retweeting Uriminzokkiri tweets, Mr. Park also wrote tweets mocking the North Korean government, such as “I pay my condolences to Chairman Kim Jong-il and would like to send some uranium and plutonium to the DPRK as a sign of my condolences,” “I want to fondle Kim Jong-il’s boobs,” and “Let’s exterminate Kim Jong-Il, germs, and cancer.”

*end of article*

BTW, the prosecutor demanded 2-year imprisonment.

It’s the same trial that was covered internationally here and here.

I guess the moral of this tale is: never make North Korea-related jokes the prosecutor and the judge can’t understand. Or that South Korean authorities are scared shit of North Korean propaganda and/or extremely distrustful of the intelligence of its citizens. Anyway, too pissed off to comment on this, so I’ll just upload a translation for now.

PS. The New York Times (which adds some context, including the National Security Act which Park was found to be violating) and AP News (a much shorter version) has also reported on this.

The Olympic torch arrived in Seoul April, 27. As Seoul is home to one-fourth of the national population and underwent countless historical mass-scale public protests for decades, the South Korean government dispatched some 8000 police force, more than twice the 3000-men force in Nagano, Japan. However this proved inefficient to contain the disturbance and violence; ironically provoked not by anti-Olympic protesters but pro-Olympic pro-Chinese protesters.

Smiling pro-Chinese protesters carry a banner in Korean saying, [Tibet is Forever Chinese Land!]

Estimated 6000 to 10000 pro-Chinese protesters gathered to celebrate the Beijing Olympics and protest against human rights activists protesting against China.

Around 300 or so activists from various human rights groups (on left) are vastly outnumbered by pro-Chinese protesters(right). They had to be protected by the police.

Angered by the “No human rights, no Olympics” slogan, the pro-China protesters made a rush and broke down the police line.

Either 8000 was not enough to contain a 6000-strong angry mob, or the police was probably ordered to avoid aggressive control (which the Korean riot police is traditionally infamous for, and only recently begun to subdue) in light of the Olympic ceremony. The Korean government is usually able to mobilize some 10000-20000 men to control public protests and riots, which it did several days ago to contain protesters against the FTA.

Human rights activist Dr. Norbert Vullertsen is confronted by pro-Chinese protestors. North Korean human rights activists made up a large portion of the anti-China protesters, as China is criticized for sending North Korean refugees back to North Korea, where they will be executed for certain.

A Canadian spectator is surrounded by pro-China protestors for wearing a “Free Tibet” t-shirt. He was one of five Canadians and American onlookers wearing a “Free Tibet” t-shirt, surrounded and pushed onto the Deoksu Palace walls, and beaten until police interfered.

A Tibetan protester is beaten by pro-Chinese protestors.

Seoul citizen Park Cheol-hoon is kicked and beaten by three young pro-Chinese protesters. He claims the beating continued for 30 minutes and his injuries require a two-week physical treatment therapy for full recovery. Park is currently seeking out the assailants via the web.

A pro-China protester aims to throw.

Korean reporter Hong In-gi bleeds from a square bar thrown from the pro-China side.

Korean protestors show the objects thrown from the pro-China side.

More thrown objects.


Feeling threatened by the pro-Chinese protestors, anti-China protestors ran inside the  Plaza Hotel for safety. The pro-Chinese protestors followed in, rushed a Tibetan to a corner and beat him, and also the police officers trying to shield him.

See the video here.

The Chinese Embassy obviously sees that the (300 or so) Korean protesters provoked the (6000 and more) Chinese, who righteously retailiated in self-defence. Anybody send them a calculator?