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North Korea becomes Islamic State:
Kim Jong-un makes Islam official state religion


North Korea announced today that it is now an Islamic state. Its official name will be changed from the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to the Islamic People’s Republic of Korea.

According to its official news agency KCNA (North Korean Central News Agency), North Korean leader Kim Jong-un made Islam the official state religion after receiving a revelation from Allah.

In a public announcement, the young leader claimed that the Angel Gabriel appeared to him last night and delivered the words of Allah. Gabriel praised Kim for declaring nuclear war against South Korea and especially the United States, since American imperialism is the enemy of all Islamic nations. The angel also added that North Korea will emerge victorious if Kim Jong-un reveals that it had been an Islamic state since the beginning and officially makes Islam the state religion.

Regarding this, Kim Jong-un explained that Communism was in fact a cover-up to better survive the Cold War. The proof is that North Korea still maintained the central values of Islam, such as modest clothing, persecuting Christians, and forbidding women from riding bicycles. Then he made the startling revelation that every previous leaders of North Korea (Kim Jong-un’s grandfather Kim Il-sung, and father Kim Jong-il) were actually Muslim prophets, and so is Kim Jong-un himself.

He concluded the speech with “Muslim brothers of the world, Allah has sent me to lead you. Let us unite in the jihad against America!”

The announcement was met with mixed responses.

Analysts say the announcement is (as usual) aimed at drawing Washington’s attention and potential talks (=food), as well as boosting morale for the North Korean people. What is unique is the degree of extreme desperation for U.S. attention in attempting to exploit Islamophobia. They also added: “they probably thought the prophet part was necessary in maintaining the authority and divinity of their leaders.”

Meanwhile, Islamic leaders were highly offended by Kim Jong-un’s announcement. An imam said, “Islam is a religion of peace, and no God doesn’t agree with nuclear war or antagonizing the United States.” He also added that “Kim Jong-un has no basic understanding of Islam. Mohammad is the LAST PROPHET you twat.” before going on to demonstrate at the nearest North Korean embassy.

Al-Qaeda called the announcement “blasphemous,” Kim Jong-un a “heretic,” and declared jihad against North Korea.


ps. Happy April Fool’s, everyone!:)


*Translated from this article.

Mr. Park, Jung-geun (25), who was indicted for retweeting the North Korean government’s Twitter account Uriminzokkiri, was found guilty.

On a single judge trial, Judge Shin, Jin-woo of the Suwon District Court Criminal Division no.3 sentenced Mr. Park to 10 months imprisonment as a 2 years suspended sentence.

On the written decision, Judge Shin said that “It can be acknowledged that considering the retweet and the intentions and circumstances of the defendant’s own posts,  his actions constitute as agreement and participation with an anti-government organization’s activities.” and that “While Twitter has personal characteristics, it cannot prevent access from the masses and is highly influential, and therefore cannot be limited as personal communications.”

He also explained the reasoning behind the sentence: “A heavier sentence should have been necessary, since the defendant was aware that his actions were ultimately beneficial for North Korean propaganda and public relations, and that he continued to commit the criminal activity even during the investigation; however,it was taken into consideration that this is a first offense and he promised not to commit the same crime again.”

Mr. Park was indicted of retweeting and spreading 96 posts from the North Korean propaganda body Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea’s website, and writing 133 expressions including videos that are beneficial to the enemy, from December 2010 to December 2011.

However, Mr. Park had consistently alleged that he is a member of the South Korean Socialist Party which has an anti-Workers’ Party of Korea (the ruling party of North Korea) agenda, and that he was merely retweeting to tease and satirize the North Korean government.

Aside from retweeting Uriminzokkiri tweets, Mr. Park also wrote tweets mocking the North Korean government, such as “I pay my condolences to Chairman Kim Jong-il and would like to send some uranium and plutonium to the DPRK as a sign of my condolences,” “I want to fondle Kim Jong-il’s boobs,” and “Let’s exterminate Kim Jong-Il, germs, and cancer.”

*end of article*

BTW, the prosecutor demanded 2-year imprisonment.

It’s the same trial that was covered internationally here and here.

I guess the moral of this tale is: never make North Korea-related jokes the prosecutor and the judge can’t understand. Or that South Korean authorities are scared shit of North Korean propaganda and/or extremely distrustful of the intelligence of its citizens. Anyway, too pissed off to comment on this, so I’ll just upload a translation for now.

PS. The New York Times (which adds some context, including the National Security Act which Park was found to be violating) and AP News (a much shorter version) has also reported on this.